It is Saturday morning, and I have been lying to myself for weeks.
I have been in a funk for over a month, and am just sailing through the days. I have been telling myself I’m fine – but really I am coasting along. Annoyed at myself for being so boring. I get up every morning, and go through the motions. Barely scraping by. I’m not exercising enough. Not eating healthy, and turning into the person who sits on the couch at any time i’m not looking after the kids. I’ve turned to my phone & iPad to play games rather than interact with the world. I just don’t think I have anything to offer.
Farkkkkkkkk, I need to do something.
So here it is.
After posting photos on Facebook yesterday of my 4 year old son eating a mango – I realised at that moment we looked happy and ready for summer. But in truth, he was sick with a virus, and other than being off the lounge to eat that piece of fruit he spent the rest of the day on the lounge sleeping and dealing with a high temp.
I was lying again.
I never tell the truth on social media – or that is I never document the shitty, hard, and sometimes down right exhausting. So this month I’m changing that. I’m going to record the everyday. The bad, the ugly, the terrifying, and the normal.
Starting right now.
This is me. At 8.30am this morning.
And no I’m not going for a run. I’m out the back waiting for my hubby to return from the gym (yes thats right i’m on my ass again whilst everyone else is out to greet the morning) so I can help him get stuck into a day of gardening. No makeup, no filter, no professional camera, just me.
I have to push myself to just get out of the back door of my house. I feel so much more comfortable on the lounge – hiding away from everything, that even sitting outside on a nice day is a challenge at times.
I have set a challenge for myself for the rest of the month – seeing as October is Mental Health month – I’m going to tell the truth. No more sugar coating, no more ‘how happy are we’. Just real every day mental as bullshit.
No editing, no filter, just real 100% me.
So please be kind – I will be writing as I think – no revisions on my spelling, grammar or otherwise. This is words per minute.
Here goes nothing…
#mentalas #crazymummy #itsthelittlethings