Tag

its the little things

Ahhhhh. That was nice. Three days off from my computer. I don’t remember how long it has been since I did that.

Running my own business sure has a way of taking up all of my ‘spare’ time. That is once the kids are dropped off, hubby is at work, and I can finally concentrate.

A few things have happened for me over the last few days too. Very small things, but worth mentioning just the same…

On Friday morning I finally went back to group training at the gym. The first time for me in around two years. Yes I have been going to my weekly PT sessions, but I had not been participating in any training sessions – oh other than the tiny ones I would set myself the task of completing (and then promptly find a reason as to why I couldn’t do it that week).

So last week, I made a promise to myself that I would join my bestie at group training on Friday. And I almost didn’t get there.

Firstly I got up at 7.30am – I know, it is a sleep in for our house too, hubby wasn’t working that day so I managed to skive off the breakfast duties with the kids – said good morning to the kiddies, then went & got changed into my gym gear.

Left the house by 7.55am to head to my sisters to drop off some keys. On the way down to her place (which is 5 minutes away from the Gym), my brain started thinking up ways to miss the session.

You could always go and have a late breakfast somewhere and come home around the time you would if you actually went to the session… No one will know.

Just start next week. Or the week after that.

No one will miss you if you don’t go.

To which I had to turn up the radio to ignore my thoughts. I arrived at my sisters had a chat, a coffee, and then had thirty minutes to spare. My brain started again.

You don’t need to go.

What’s the point? You are so unfit anyway. You won’t be able to run. You’ll end up in pain. 

You a big fat scaredy cat who hates being in large groups… why would you even want to put yourself through that uncomfortable situation?

Just give up…

It would have been so easy to use any of these excuses. And several times I actually thought – why not? But then I knew, deep, deep, deep, deep, DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP, down that I would feel better for going. I just had to get the monsters in my head to shush!

I left my sisters, and found a park not far from the gym. I walked (ever so slowly) to the entrance and then the receptionist saw me. There was no backing out now. I was stuck. There was visual evidence of me being at the gym.

I paid, dumped my bag, then realised I hadn’t brought a hat or sunglasses – and the gym had sold out of visors. Another excuse to pack my bag and go home. Instead I walked back outside, sat on the steps and put my head in my hands trying to drown out the voices.

Moments later I spotted my bestie and her two kids heading to the front steps. I got up quickly and started helping her put the kids into creche and get herself ready. I told her I had forgotten everything and wouldn’t you know it – she had a spare visor in her bag.

That shut the voices up pretty quickly and I finally smiled. I was shitting myself on the inside, worried I was going to be a disaster, that I wouldn’t be able to keep up, but I tried not to show it.

An hour later I was sweating, sore and out of breathe. Dying from a hard session – but grateful I had persisted and made it through. I was a wreck. I was hopeless. It was VERY evident that I had not trained for some time. But at least I did it. And, I wasn’t the only one who struggled in the group. Thank goodness!

The rest of the day I spent in recovery mode – which means I showered and sat on the lounge watching movies with my little guy all day. I told you I was wrecked!

Saturday we spent at home fixing up inside and out on those annoying little jobs you never get time to do. The kids got picked up mid afternoon for a sleep over at their grandmas, as hubby and I were heading into town to see Russell Brand live.

So we had some quiet time and watched a whole movie without interruptions – it really is the little things.

We got ready, headed into town for a bite to eat at this hidden little Japanese restaurant. Honestly if we hadn’t of been there before years and years ago – we would’ve thought it was super dodgy. But it wasn’t. What they didn’t spend on material decor, they spent on iPads for each table that displayed the menu. You ordered directly via the iPad and the kitchen received the order. Minutes, and I mean minutes, later your order was delivered to your table.

Genius.

On to the main event and hubby and I laughed our guts up. It had been a while since we had been on a date night and we really enjoyed it. Laughing like we hadn’t laughed in a while at Russell Brand tell stories and entertaining, whilst delivering a non-political, political message. If that makes sense?

Sunday was all about family. We got to celebrate my grandparents 60th wedding anniversary. Unlike many things these days, we had all managed to keep it a surprise, so that when they arrived there were shocked faces, lots of laughter and hugs all round.

So my weekend was made up of a lot of things – family, exercise, laughter, friends and rest – all the things that help me in my day-to-day. All the things I need to keep my anxiety and depression at bay.

And wouldn’t you know it, I am feeling good.

I was lucky enough to have lunch with my hubby today. He finished work early and I, as usual, was hard at work in my home office.

He brought us home a lunch of chicken and salad, and we sat at the table and ate lunch together.

Awwww…. I hear you all say, or maybe you just threw up in your mouth.

But as we ate, I asked him – ‘What should I write about today?’

His response was, ‘What about having lunch with your husband? You know, the little things.’

And that got me thinking.

Do you talk to anyone?

Have you told anyone how you are feeling? Have you just let it all out? Have you unloaded yet?

My hubby is lucky enough to listen to everything from me. Yes that’s right – L.U.C.K.Y.

(Sorry, that was just in case he reads this post today…)

Honestly though, if you don’t talk about how you are feeling, your troubles will continue to fester in your mind, and with every moment you spend thinking about it, the problem gets bigger and bigger.

Speaking up about your worries and anxieties helps alleviate the pain. Having someone listen to you can help you release some of your anxiety. They can be a sounding board or even the reality check you need to help you see a different perspective.

Our monsters in our head can really get the better of us. Especially, if we don’t let them out.

I wasn’t always so good at talking about me. It is genuinely one of the harder things to admit. Though I know it isn’t a weakness in me. It is a part of me. My Anxiety. We have learnt to live together.

And I have given it a voice. So now it doesn’t shout as loud, well at least not all the time.