Today I sit here, trying to work. Trying to think. Trying to do anything other than stare off into the distance.
My heart beats fast. For no reason at all. I feel flushed. And uncomfortable.
I don’t want to talk to anyone. I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to answer the phone.
I just want to crawl up into a ball and cry… or sleep.
I have been feeling this coming for a few days now. I won’t deny it. I’ve told my family. At least I can do that these days.
My mouth is dry. I am hot. My body is numb. And I just can’t concentrate.
So instead of forcing myself to finish the work I just can’t focus on right now, I am recording the way I feel in the hope that others will recognise these feelings within themselves.
Anxiety is hard. You can’t control it. You can’t stop it. You need to accept it, and ride the wave.
I know that if I don’t, I can end up delving into my depression. Anxiety is the downhill slide.
But I know what to do…
I tell people. I talk. I cuddle my kids. I take a deep breath.
I eat chocolate and chips. I drink tea, and just be.
I know this is purely me.
I am not unhappy. I am not in danger.
It will pass.
I take a deep breath.
I still feel numb. I know it will pass.
I will take my time. And just sit with my kids. Talk to my husband. And smile as well.
I will wait for the brightness. At the end of the dark.
I just know, that it will pass.
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